Drifting

I decided to get off my sofa this weekend and went for a visit to The Creative County to see T. We had quite an active weekend in all; walking in the rain at the quaint Baggeridge Park, cycling 5 miles to a crooked house, which as you can see from my picture is indeed, very crooked, and even had a go at Sailing at Himley Park. I say sailing. We sort of drifted if anything.


Not dissimilar to how I'm going through life at the moment; drifting along hoping the wind might catch soon, or that I'll come across something exciting in the water, like a job.

I had an interview last week for a position as a receptionist at production company in London. It went well I thought, I answered the usual questions well; 'where do you see yourself in five years', 'why do you want to work in television' etc., but alas I didn't get it. I'm not too upset by it though, and besides, the reception area looked quite cold, I probably would have hated it anyway.


Apart from that, job prospects are looking thin on the ground. My temping agency aren't doing much. The lady who represents me seems to keep forgetting who I am every time I call and consequently keeps giving potential work away to other people. Apparently though, assuming that she remembers me, there is a job going at a toy company near to where I live. The job title is advertised as 'sales administration' but I've done enough temping to know that that really means answering phone calls from Mummy Perfect complaining that her brat child's Timmy doll isn't peeing like it should be.


Today, thousands of students across the country are in panic, as A Level results are in, but Universities cut places. In my current situation I feel like telling them all its ok, that university isn't all its cracked up to be and that after three years hard work you'll just end up sat on your sofa in your pyjama shorts, eating chocolate brownies and blogging about how hard it is to find work. I know deep down that's not true at all, and that I don't regret a single moment at Uni, but I cant help but feel a little disheartened by the whole thing. Its like my nice framed degree certificate is looking at me, confused as to why its on my wall, and shouldn't it be somewhere else? Like on the desk of some accountant or lawyer?


On the plus side I went to the first recruitment meeting for the First Light Digital Documenters project and I have to say I am quite excited about it. The people are lovely, and the entire project sounds like a lot of fun. As production assistant I'll be getting to grips of lots of things as my team go about planning and producing short documentaries on various 'mygames' programmes happening in Birmingham. Although its unpaid, I'm going to learn lots of skills and it'll look all nice and shiny and job-friendly on my CV. I'll hopefully blog about my progress with the project as it goes along.


There is also The Network next week in Edinburgh which I am very excited about. My timetable looks good and I'll even be taking part in an EastEnders workshop where I'll meet Max and Jack Branning. Which, considering my sofa lifestyle at the moment, is just about the most exciting news I have ever had. Again, I'll hopefully blog about it while I'm there, let you all know what I've been up to and if you insist I will try and get some pictures of me with some celebrities. God, the things I do for you.

Daytime Television

A lot has happened since my last post.

I moved home to Didcot...

I've got some letters after my name...

And I've been on holiday...

...twice.

And so, after a rather exciting month filled with friends, sun, beaches, very hot tents, and some rather unfetching hats, here I am. On my sofa. In my pyjamas. Watching Homes Under the Hammer on TV.

So as you may have gathered I am still unemployed. Unemployed life was rather exciting when eating spaghetti on the roof of a lamia in Puglia, or watching The Specials under the stars in Benicassim. But now that I'm at home, unemployed life is rather dull. I spend most of my days watching property programmes and convincing myself that property developing is actually the best way to make money and that I should therefore stop applying for jobs immediately and buy a run down house instead.

This of course is ridiculous, and in between watching Tim Vincent show people how they can escape to the country and walking my dog, I have been attempting to 'sort my life out'.

I have applied to a few of jobs; an unpaid position as a Production Assistant for a project called Digital Documenters, a 6 week trainee scheme with the BBC, a position as a receptionist for a production company in London. I've even applied to write columns for a creative website. A lot of these I am still waiting to here from. The good news however, is that I got the first one.

It is exciting to get some good news for a change. And although the project is unpaid, it'll be excellent experience, and they offer a range of training which will no doubt be of use. It's also a project that combines my two passions, media and young people. First Light, who the project is run by, are a charity dedicated to giving young people the chance to gain media and digital experience. I love this, and am really excited about the project. Even if it is in Birmingham.

There is of course The Network to look forward to in a couple of weeks as well. I booked my train tickets the other day. A shocking £75. And it's over 6 hours long. And I have to leave at 6am. So, I will be nice and relaxed and refreshed when I get there then.

Despite my unemployed graduate status I'm remaining positive. I've signed up with a temp agency so I can work here and there to earn some money, and I'm simply making steps towards getting a foot in the door, as they say. Right now I'd be happy with a toe through the cat-flap.

A Feeling of Indifference.

I finished my exams two weeks ago. Thats right, TWO weeks ago. You would have thought, dear blog readers, that on finishing my exams and therefore ending my three year long relationship with university, that the first thing I would do is blog about it.

Well, apparently not. It is only now, on a rare day off, that I realise I haven't blogged about the 'end'. After some pondering over why on earth I didn't leap at my laptop the minute I drunkenly came in the evening of my last exam, I realised that blogging has very much been a tool of procrastination and distraction since I began earlier this year. Now though, I have nothing to procrastinate and distract me from, and it would appear my blog has been the victim of this freedom.

Finishing exams, and University, has left me with a feeling of indifference. Similar to how I felt when I finished my dissertation, I am neither joyous nor sad. I predict however, that the sadness will hit once I have moved home to that place I am so fond of, Didcot. The next week is quite hectic, with end of term parties and then a summer school that I'm supervising, so I have begun the process of packing now, and already this has begun to make me feel slightly melancholy. All the things I have procured over the last three years, silly memorabilia that at one point was probably part of some hilarious in-joke between myself and my housemates, but that is now just a bit of crap.

A part of me is relieved. Living with 9 people is hard, as is the mess that comes with it. I wont necessarily miss the mice, the mysterious puddles of water that appear on the bathroom floor, or the left over takeaways that one particular housemate seems intent on leaving outside my bedroom door. And while a part of me longs for fresh food, cleanliness and quiet, I know that the minute I have all that, I will miss all this.

I wont go on too much, or I really am in danger of getting emotional, and I think I'll save the memories and dedications for another time, perhaps after the madness that will be this weekend.

On a different note, I had my first interview last week. It was for the position of production junior at a small production company based in Manchester. Having not had a 'proper' interview before, it is safe to say I was more nervous about this than my exams. I went along, and after a very short interview, was home half an hour later. Immediately I thought it was so short because they didn't like me. I didn't get the job, so maybe I was right. Who knows.

But, all is not bad news. I found out last week that I have made it onto coveted scheme, The Network. This is a five day placement involving workshops, master classes and activities for those wanting to make it in television, at the Media Guardian Edinburgh International Television Festival. Thousands of people applied and only 100 got on, so as you can imagine I am very happy!

So, as university comes to an end, I am plunged into a hiatus of uncertainty. But for now, I have an amazing summer ahead, with Italy, Benicassim, and now Edinburgh to look forward to, some amazing people to spend time with and some doors to open and explore. Bring it on world, I have my lashmina on and I'm ready to PARTY.

An Appreciation of Spider Diagrams.

Summer is here. Sort of.

The sun is out, the faint smell of burning meat fills the air, the British public swarm into their gardens to make the most of what little warmth we will get and the sound of lawn mowers fills our ears as we stroll to our destinations in skirts and sunglasses.

A great time to be revising for final exams then.

I shouldn't really complain. As much as I love Sociology, it's not the hardest thing to revise for. I watch as others around me have to memorise endless pages of numbers and equations and impossible terminology. While I spend most of my time making unnecessarily colourful spider diagrams. Sadly, I get excited about revision because its the one time of the year I get to legitimately over-use highlighter pens and buy notebooks. It satisfies my thirst for stationary.

Also, the nature of Sociology exams means I pretty much know the type of questions that will appear, meaning I can select the easiest...sorry, the most interesting topics from each module and revise them. And by revise I mean write my notes out and highlight words that look like they should be important.

I did consider putting a little bit more effort into my revision this time round. You know, what with these being my last exams and all. But it wont happen. I know if I did work harder I could move out of my low 2:1 comfort zone and push for a high 2:1 or god forbid, a first. But just like I said I would begin writing my dissertation before Christmas, I wont. It's like the final sprint at the end of a long jog; in my mind I really want to do it. But in reality, I am a sweaty mess that has struggled to run a mere mile and will happily crawl the last few meters, let alone sprint, just so long as I get there.

My motivation for revising is also marred by the impending doom of moving home. Now, this is no reflection on my family. They are in fact lovely. And the idea of living in, well, a habitable home is appealing, as are the cooked dinners. It's more the principle of moving home. It's a step backwards. I'll have to abide by my parents rules again, something I've not done in three years. It's also the fact that I'll be moving back to what is quite possibly the most depressing town in existence. Didcot. For a little town, Didcot is quite famous. It has a Power Station. A train Station. A Nuclear Laboratory. Oh, and it featured in The 50 Worst Places to Live in Britain. It was number 20.

I suppose the clear solution to this problem would be to stay in Manchester. Most of the girls I am friends with here are moving in together, but my lack of job means I don't want to commit to a 12 month contract. The fact of the matter is, at home I will save money. Yes, I will probably sink into a pit of despair, choke from coal fumes or die of radiation poisoning, but at least I will save some money.

As far as jobs are concerned, it's not looking much brighter. I heard back from the BBC, and as you and I both guessed, I failed to make it on the coveted Production Trainee Scheme. Judging by the date I received the 'Hi, thanks for all the time you put into this application, we've had a good look at it, and basically, on this occasion, you're shit.' email, I didn't even make it past the creativity test. Pah. They should come down here and take a good look at one of my spider diagrams, then they'll see who's 'creative'.

On a more cheery note, I do have two holidays to look forward to, and that will hopefully postpone my inevitable glumness. T and I are going to South Italy for 10 glorious days of sun, pool, pizza and vino after exams. It'll be our first holiday together. Ahhhh. Quality time. Even if he will be under the umbrella most of the time while I baste myself in the UV rays. Then in July me and the girls from Uni will be jetting of to Benicassim in spain for good music, sun and even more vino. Things aren't all bad then.

Right, c'mon then Marxy, its time to put some colour into that oppressed life of yours....now where did I put the pink......?

The Beginning of the End

Almost 30 books, 33 pages, 12, 111 words and countless cups of tea later, my dissertation hell is over.

I write this sat at the Blue 1 computer cluster of John Rylands University Library, having just finalised and printed my dissertation. Thats right, that thing that I've been moaning about for the last four weeks. It's finished. Complete. Printed. What I feel now though is not the sense of elation that I was expecting, more a feeling of dread, knowing that there is nothing I can do now.

I am of course relieved. This thing has been on my mind so much I have been dreaming about it. I have become involved in what can only be described as a complicated relationship with John Rylands Library and I haven't been able to watch a single episode of Eastender's without feeling guilty about it. But the thing I look forward to the most is having a conversation that isn't about it. For the last few weeks, I'd say 8 out of 10 of my conversations with other people have begun, "Hi, hows your work going?" Well now I can just shout "Finished!" in their faces and run away laughing.

I think though that my sense of dread is not just a matter of no turning back, but also of all the things that are looming now that it's finished and I can longer use it as an excuse to put off my life. Job applications, Fuse stuff, holiday stuff, other modules. It just doesn't stop.

Matters have been made slightly worse by my recent 'I-dont-know-what-to-do-with-my-life' panic. But what about media?! I hear you cry. Well, it's not that I've suddenly decided that's not what I want to do, it's simply that other options have come to light. My mum for some time now has tried to pursuade me to be a teacher, but I've always dismissed her wishes, as have most people I have come across throughout life. Teaching apparently,aint as good a job as you'd think. The thingis, I love kids. For the three years I've spent at uni, I've had a job as a Student Ambassador, working with disadvantaged youths from all around Manchester. It seems though that it's taken me three years to realise that I really do rather enjoy working with these kids, and making a difference to their lives. Now I am left with a dilema. Keep on trying to get a job in the media, or turn my back on 7 years of hard work and try something new? The conclusion I came to last night whilst fretting over this, is to simply do both, and whichever one means I dont have to spend the next year at home, wins.

Where I'll be come June and next year will have to wait however. For now, my priority is finishing my degree. Only one more essay and two more exams to go. By 27th May it'll all be over. I dont know if this makes me happy or sad. Whilst I am totally fed up of being a student, living in what is almost certainly squalor, having no money, hours spent in the library, the 'real world' is just far too scary.

Urgh. I'm going for a brew.

Too Busy to Blog

I am too busy to blog about being too busy.

Ironic isn't it.

A lot has happened in the weeks since I last wrote. Those weeks have been, I am pleased to say, mouse free, but work and stress still continue to keep me from getting a decent nights sleep.

Yesterday I experienced what my good friend E described to me as 'The Fear'. It is something most students get, apparently, when they realise that actually, they've spent rather a lot of money on this thing called a degree, and that really, they should, after two and a half years, get down to doing some actual, proper, work. I consequently spent most of yesterday in the library fretting over how much I had to do, how little time I had to do it in, and how it was all my fault. If I were part of the annoying 'acronym generation' that social media seems to have given birth to, my facebook statuses would be full of fml's and cba's at the moment. Or should that be atm?

My problem is not really that I don't want to do my Uni work - it just that other things keep postponing it. Fuse has been a big commitment all year - but now that that has finished, it has only been replaced by yet another dreaded BBC application form. Yes that right, I am applying to the BBC again. Yes - I am aware of what I wrote in my last post, but this, this is the job of all jobs. Every media-wannabe's wet dream of a job. The Production Trainee Scheme. Or PTS for you acronymites. Only along with it comes the application forms of all application forms. It even involves a 'creativity test'. Jeez - do these people not know I am behind on my dissertation?

Speaking of the big d, progress has been rather slow. (What a surprise I hear you cry). I did however, finally conduct my interviews which were - interesting. You know you've not put the effort in when a first year management student quotes a text at you that's relevant to your dissertation, but that you've not read. Lets just say the moment was awkward.

I've done a lot of thinking about it - just not any substantial writing. But its OK, I've got 28 days, plenty of time to spend in the library. One plus is that I've realised if you bring your own teabags to the library with you, they'll only charge you 50p for hot water and a cup. A saving of 45p. You know what they say, 'look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves.' Well - I just take pleasure in knowing that in small ways I am gaining back a little of my fees. Just another 18,000 cups of tea to go then. Excellent.

I haven't really said much about the ending of Fuse FM have I? To be honest - I haven't had time to really register it. Three years I've been with station. With it I've discovered skills I didn't know I had, found a passion for the radio I didn't know I had, made friends that I will keep for life and even found love. Ahhh. We had our awards ceremony earlier this week. I won the 'I've slept with the most Fuse members' award. Hilarious. The boys on the committee even planned for about 20 people to stand up and admit sleeping with me. They of course, haven't. My boyfriend T is the ex station manager. Some fuse presenters though, didn't get the joke.

So, I leave my legacy at Fuse FM - as a slut.

"End of Broadcast 20" - Student Direct Article featuring me. Please do read it. Its rather lovely.

Now - while I crack on with my PTS form and worrying about how I am 0 words down on my 13,000 word dissertation - I'll leave you with a nice quote that a dear friend of mine sent me;

"The greater the artist, the greater the doubt. Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented as a consolation prize" - Robert Hughes.

Well, that's reassuring.