Too Busy to Blog

I am too busy to blog about being too busy.

Ironic isn't it.

A lot has happened in the weeks since I last wrote. Those weeks have been, I am pleased to say, mouse free, but work and stress still continue to keep me from getting a decent nights sleep.

Yesterday I experienced what my good friend E described to me as 'The Fear'. It is something most students get, apparently, when they realise that actually, they've spent rather a lot of money on this thing called a degree, and that really, they should, after two and a half years, get down to doing some actual, proper, work. I consequently spent most of yesterday in the library fretting over how much I had to do, how little time I had to do it in, and how it was all my fault. If I were part of the annoying 'acronym generation' that social media seems to have given birth to, my facebook statuses would be full of fml's and cba's at the moment. Or should that be atm?

My problem is not really that I don't want to do my Uni work - it just that other things keep postponing it. Fuse has been a big commitment all year - but now that that has finished, it has only been replaced by yet another dreaded BBC application form. Yes that right, I am applying to the BBC again. Yes - I am aware of what I wrote in my last post, but this, this is the job of all jobs. Every media-wannabe's wet dream of a job. The Production Trainee Scheme. Or PTS for you acronymites. Only along with it comes the application forms of all application forms. It even involves a 'creativity test'. Jeez - do these people not know I am behind on my dissertation?

Speaking of the big d, progress has been rather slow. (What a surprise I hear you cry). I did however, finally conduct my interviews which were - interesting. You know you've not put the effort in when a first year management student quotes a text at you that's relevant to your dissertation, but that you've not read. Lets just say the moment was awkward.

I've done a lot of thinking about it - just not any substantial writing. But its OK, I've got 28 days, plenty of time to spend in the library. One plus is that I've realised if you bring your own teabags to the library with you, they'll only charge you 50p for hot water and a cup. A saving of 45p. You know what they say, 'look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves.' Well - I just take pleasure in knowing that in small ways I am gaining back a little of my fees. Just another 18,000 cups of tea to go then. Excellent.

I haven't really said much about the ending of Fuse FM have I? To be honest - I haven't had time to really register it. Three years I've been with station. With it I've discovered skills I didn't know I had, found a passion for the radio I didn't know I had, made friends that I will keep for life and even found love. Ahhh. We had our awards ceremony earlier this week. I won the 'I've slept with the most Fuse members' award. Hilarious. The boys on the committee even planned for about 20 people to stand up and admit sleeping with me. They of course, haven't. My boyfriend T is the ex station manager. Some fuse presenters though, didn't get the joke.

So, I leave my legacy at Fuse FM - as a slut.

"End of Broadcast 20" - Student Direct Article featuring me. Please do read it. Its rather lovely.

Now - while I crack on with my PTS form and worrying about how I am 0 words down on my 13,000 word dissertation - I'll leave you with a nice quote that a dear friend of mine sent me;

"The greater the artist, the greater the doubt. Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented as a consolation prize" - Robert Hughes.

Well, that's reassuring.

Occasional Unsuccessful Applications

"Thank you for applying for the position of Runner Pool - Manchester. We have carefully considered your application and regret to advise that your application has been unsuccessful on this occasion."

Thanks very much BBC, for advising me that my application was unsuccessful. Oh hang on, it was only on this occasion. In that case, BBC, on what occasion will my application be successful?

If I'm honest I am a little gutted about this. I know that I will get many rejections while applying for jobs, but knowing that I tried my absolute hardest in answering the cryptic questions the beeb seem intent on setting, has knocked me somewhat. It was a runner pool for crying out loud, who exactly are these people looking for?!

Perhaps I should stop obsessing over getting my first job at the BBC. There are other broadcasting corporations out there, believe it or not. Saying that though, they are launching their production trainee scheme 2010 next week. If my predecessor at Fuse FM can get on it, surely I am in with a shot too?

Despite this set back, I am feeling slightly more sane than at the time of my last post. I think its something to do with the sun shining today. It might also have something to do with the fact that I caught the mouse last night. On a glue trap. Not the most humane method I know - but the damn thing was too clever for conventional traps. Not too clever for some brazil nuts sprinkled on a slab of glue though eh, mr mouse.

I got my exam results back too, a few hours after receiving 'the email' from the BBC. They were good, thank god. A 68 and a 63, two sturdy 2:1's. I think I had been hoping for a cheeky first in there somewhere, but that's me in a nutshell: optimistic. Realistically a 2:1 is great, especially considering how much time I spend on my course, or rather, how little time.

As far as the dissertation is going, well, it isn't. I had my presentation last week though. I wish I could say how it went, but the fifteen minutes is a blur to me. I remember saying the words 'interaction' and 'facebook' a lot. And gesticulating too much. But that's about it. I'm giving a talk this week to second year sociology students, to prepare them and encourage them with their own dissertations. I will tell them that's its fun and exciting, to study something you love, and that its not as scary as they think. This is of course, a lie.

Teapots, Tantrums and Mice.

I have reached melting point.

Once again I have bitten off more than I can chew and the times when I am not busy I spend moaning about how busy I am. I am not a fan of this person I have become. She is tired, grumpy, almost always hungry, pessimistic and prone to tantrums.

An example of one such tantrum, is when the other night my house mate caught me rather aggressively man-handling my chair out of my room at 3am, with the utmost certainty that it was this chair the mouse was using to get onto my worktop. Yes that's right, I have the mouse from hell inhabiting my room. Most mice, you would think, are in search of food. Oh no, not this mouse. This mouse takes casual strolls across my furniture and stares me out whilst perched on my hat stand, fully ignoring the lump of cheese attached to the trap on my floor.

To add to this, Fuse FM has started its 20th broadcast, and once again I am plunged into a world that I both love and hate. This is what I want to do, just not whilst doing a dissertation, working and job hunting at the same time.

God, listen to me. Even I'm boring me. I want to go out. I want to drink so much that it takes me four voicemails just to tell T that I love him. I want to watch Eastenders and Channel 4 documentaries about pregnant women without feeling guilty about it.

On the plus side, T bought me a teapot for Valentines (despite agreeing we're not going to do presents...but anyway). This is quite possibly the most exciting thing to happen to me in the last few weeks. It comes with a cute cup and I have even resorted to hanging milk out of my window in a plastic bag so that I can have teapot-tea when I like. If it wasn't for said teapot and the steady supply of hot tea it brings me, I fear it may have been me hanging out of my window in a plastic bag.

Despite my moaning however, the last couple of weeks have been good on a journalistic level. I have produced two video reports which can be found here, implemented Fuse's 'Hot Topics', and achieved our first ever live bulletin.

I just hope that all this hard work pays off. I have yet to hear back from the BBC, which worries me a little. To be honest I have been somewhat slack on the ol' job applications of late. There are just so many and they are all so epic. BBC North has opened its applications for Media City, the Mecca of the broadcasting world, all you need to do is upload your CV.

Right, should probably get on with writing my CV then.....

Dissytation

I had another of those every-now-and-then dissertation lectures today, which I swear are made not to give you advice and words of encouragement, but to scare the crap out of you.

"By now, you should all have done your literature review, your methodology section, and begun collecting your empirical research..." Oh, really?. I have barely picked up a book. Surely, after years of dealing with the species that is the student-race , these people know that we aren't organised.

I know - I've not done any work, what a surprise. But there is more to me than a simple cliché. I have had so much to do I have barely found time to read the thirty or so books I am supposed to. Well, I could have found time had I sacrificed going out, eating, Christmas and my life in general.

I'm not shifting blame, I know being behind is my own fault as well, but I feel as a student it is my duty to laugh in the face of motivation. In my head I have all these ideas about how I'm going to make an effort this year. There have been several times where I have sat down, books open and pen at the ready with every intention of working, but before I know it I'm watching 'Ukulele Boy' on YouTube.

I went to the Sociology office immediately after the lecture and made the huge mistake of requesting to read dissertations from last year. It was a moment of madness, in which I thought I would gain insight and inspiration. I didn't. It made me want to cry. How on earth, amongst everything else I've got to do, am I supposed to produce 13,000 words of a similar standard to this?

With an oral presentation looming at the end of the month however, I really do have to do something. Especially as Fuse FM begins it's 2oth broadcast in a couple of weeks, and with other modules to work for of course.

Oh god. I may as well buy a month's supply of penguin bars and a kettle and lock the door.